Into The Deep End

(+3) (-2) So today I decided I was going to start. Andrew, someone I met through Project: 75 and I agreed that we would meet at the UMC at 3:30. So I definately had this on my mind all day (once again ironically haveing a test today also). I did pick out what I was going to wear, and conveniently brought along bussiness cards (I don't think the bussiness card is a good idea for the future). So my day ended up being pretty darn good. But before I began I went to a lecture that was part of the conference of world affairs: "Too busy for falling in love"

In this lecture 4 panelists lectured me on the merits of letting love in my life. Yikes! One proffesor a former Ambasador from Iran, told me of a quote "We look past all of the flowers in our life to go to the library and study flowers". Well it just so happens that a beautiful flower sat in front of me during that lecture. I was like, wow, I really need to ask her out. (You see I was hesitent to go empty handed to work with Andrew, someone I hardly knew).

So then I began makeing excuses, and believe you me, I'm really good at makeing excuses. First I was going to pass her a note, and then I was like lame. Then the panelists asked us who felt truly in love and she rose her hand, I was like, well now I'm screwed. Then I told myself that well she's in the front row, so there's no way I'm going to get to her in time. It's amazing how smart people can set themselves up for failure.

And then a lot of miracle chances happened. She left, but then she stayed outside. She started walking when I left in the same direction. So being me, I just asked her what she thought of the lecture. That got us talking and we had a wonderful conversation on all sorts of things, me finding out that 4 different people fill the criteria of the "in love" and she was graduating like me and she is a philosiphy major (HOT). So we were about to leave, and I said to myself, if you don't do this now, you are screwed for life (which I don't want to be the case), so I asked her. Ans she said she was already seeing someone. So I was just about ready to dash off right now with the strange yes i got rejected feeling. But then she offered me her phone number and said we should hang out. Now I was like super "yes". Not only did I get +1, I now can have a conversation with a philosiphy major on the philosiphy of science. What can I say, I'm quite pleased. (Adendum, after facebook stalking her she is listed as single on facebook. .. hmm.)

So I came in with blazing spirits to the UMC. Where I met Andrew. I decided I would ask one girl in each area (3 areas). I eyed a fairly attractive girl doing math in colored pencils and she was a primary target for obvious reasons (math in colored pencils is SO HOT). Andrew sat there with his food and said sure, I'll sit here. I went up to the woman and asked her, "Heh I was wondering if you would go on a date with me". Wow that was awkward. She then did this like "um, ugh, hmm, um" look. So apparantly I put her in my state too. So I then preceded to tell her that I saw her doing calculus in colored pencils and that made me say, why not. We then talked about skiing which is definately my forte: "Oh you ski at Keystone, that's where I live" tends to have its confidence boosters. Afterwhile, she gave me her number. But here's the weird thing, she lost her phone skiing so she probably won't answer it. So hmm. I don't know if I should count this as a rejection or as a yes. I'm going to pull out the rule I'll give it two calls and see if I get a response. I don't think I will as I went to her as I was leaving and said "I hope you find your phone, a lot is riding on that" and she gave me the strangest stare.

Another problem I notice, which I think will pop up more when I start becoming more "successful" at this is my "latch on" to problem. I'm in huh! Well now I'm just going to totally try to grab you for all you got and become super clingy. I think I tend to push my luck after the initial yes, instead of my "I'm ok with this, time to cash in". I have definately had this problem with previous relationships.

So my last 2 were straight out no's. Which worked out pretty well, because I forced myself to randomly ask girls that I couldn't even see there faces and had no idea who they were. They were both already in relationships. One girl told me "well good luck" and that was a bit awkward. It is also REALLY hard for me to explain myself. I HATE liying. And going up to a girl and asking her on a date without a reason seems so weird, and whatever reason I give her is wrong and that makes me feel pretty unconfortable.

Overall though, today was quite a good start. I had an awsome day afterwards. I was in really high spirits and had an extremely positive attitude, much like how I feel in the good parts of my past relationships. The weird thing is I actually got nothing. There was no going forward, it was just nice to finally release myself from this trap I know I set myself.

So here's the big audacious goal. I really want to cure myself of this problem completely by the time I head out to MIT (good news, according to that conference I went to, when we change enviornments, we are more likely to fall in love!). So I'm setting a fairly high goal for myself 75 requests. I figure if I can make 4 the first day, that is just 4 I need to ask every day. It's high, but I do so much better when I have an actual number goal. So if I want to achieve this, I'm going to need to ask 4 girls on dates every day till finals. Can I do it? Well I hope so. But I have a feeling real obstacles are going to get in my way (like right now, I feel exhausted, and I don't really want to go ask girls on dates). So maybe I will allow the deadline to be past finals if neccessary. But I'm almost 90% convinced that if I can ask 75 people I will be "cured" of my fear, and that will be such a wonderful thing to bring to MIT. So yey!